Where is your asphalt deity?

I absolutely love granola bars when I have the chance to be high.

• Me: *turns on radio*
• Taylor Swift: feels feels feels revenge slut-shaming more feels you broke my heart and now I'm making a catchy country tune about it yeah yeah yeah acoustic guitar
• Bruno Mars: suicidal thoughts and plaid and war zones and gratuitous morphine use pain angst hurt for some reason all my songs involve me unnecessarily dying for you
• Rihanna: no one cares what I'm singing about but you can assume it's a shitty metaphor for sex while I gyrate in little to no clothing on fake animals but at least it's stupidly catchy
• Every single rap artist: bitches hoes in da club lots of money she wants the dick all these songs are about clubbing and sex and does anyone honestly live this lifestyle outside of music videos
• Nick Minaj: hkjhkjhcw fweljfhwjhddljhd hfojencojen nieukjdh lots of fast talking in a weird accent ha ha ha pop culture reference I'm a feminist with lots of wigs and in case you haven't noticed BIG BOOBS I don't even know what I'm rapping about lol
• Me: *turns off radio*

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a partner. Sometimes I feel like my only friend is the city I live in, the city of angels. Lonely as I am, together we cry.”